i want to be objectified for my body and not my mind

my conscious life is catching up to my subconscious life; for better or for worse. three nights ago i had a slurry of stressful dreams brought on by my parents visit to stl. punctuating these high-intensity dreams was a lull in which i hung out w daddy in an ambiguously romantic context. the next day i had an extremely tense lunch with my parents and two friends, followed by a text from him asking me to dinner. my instinctual response was: 'yes, yes of course' followed by a realization that i already know what it feels like to let someone down so intensely that you rely on so heavily. i flatly replied that i was busy with my dog (true) and have been have lingering thoughts about the small episode ever since.

this coincides interestingly to a decision i made a few weeks ago to stop caring about impressing men and 'do me'. this has been met with pretty successful results, as my unicorn is not the only male that leaves me quibbling on the autism spectrum. my newfound resolution to not date anyone hasn't softened by desire FOR TEH FLESH!!! and i still want to be 'objectified by my body as opposed to my mind'. thus i have decided to 'get fingered' by someone this thursday after my bio test in an effort to one 1. encourage me to shave my body 2. show off my 'body by aderall' 3. amuse myself and others

thursday is also SUPR STRESFULL bc my incredibly incompetent typography group has our letter set due. my group is as follows:
1. incredibly scary fat blond girl who i suspect is bipolar and rightfully deals w issues of self-loathing
2. well meaning yet ultimately doomed frat bro who is so blinded by his false sense of community that he can't meet with his groups for 45 minutes on a monday night and whom i've tried desperately but failed to have a sexual fantasy about
3. well meaning blak grl who actually comes to the meetings i schedule (bc for some reason i was silently directed captain of this sinking ship bc apparently i'm not as obviously fucked as the rest of this group) but has both horrible craftsmanship and ideas.
4. cute and stylish korean girl that literally does not give a fuck but somehow i mind less that w the others.

tumblr image articulating current mood: (i'll try to post my own sketchbook stuff instead l8rrrr)