im nervous about dying

i am a paranoid person. i have been paranoid all of my life for various reasons and at times the paranoia has objectively helped me but always always always gnaws at my inner monologue. in middle and high school i was paranoid about not having enough friends and have undiagnosed (varying from slight to severe) social anxiety. In high school, the end of this socially anxious period of my life (perhaps coincidentally) coincided with the beginning of my weed usage around 10th grade. Ironically, weed causes fits of paranoia, but seemed to help my sober state. My paranoia now centers around my reservations about art making and fully exerting myself academically for fear of 'choosing the wrong thing' to excel at. typing this out illustrates how much of a 'first world problem' this is and puts the problems of higher learning in a less severe perspective. my professors sense my growing fog of apathy via cognitive dissonance and goad the class frequently to 'commit to the material' and 'dont under estimate this class'. they are referring to me and me only and i will respond by returning to my introvert-roots and slowly absorbing material and hovering in the 'class average'