if ur reading this it's not too late

i want to hurt your feelings.
i want you to feel doubt and contempt for yourself.
i want you to try to mold yourself into a person i would want to be with.
i want you to ask yourself what you're doing wrong.
i want you to talk about me and only me to your friends.
i want you to put on makeup to see me.
i want you to go home hating yourself for not being loved by me.
i want you to go to chuy's and immediately throw up afterwards, while your nose begins to bleed.

somehow you are suspended above these demands, and will never do them for another person, despite or maybe because you are so wanted. an aversion to intimacy is a powerful thing; no one knows you are crippled by trauma. i wouldn't even say i know, but i remember everything you have ever said to me, and you once mentioned a sexual trauma and quickly quickly walked away. the emotional energy i have invested in you is slowly slipping away, but some of it (naturally i suppose) is turning into resentment. i cannot look at someone the way i look at you and have not been able to for almost 3 years. you are not to blame but you knew and did nothing, said nothing, stared back when i stared. i earnestly thought trying hard enough would work, because it works with everything else. people are not logical. art is not logical. i cannot deal with both of these things simultaneously. i do not think i choose people. this is the drone, for now.

i want to make more clip art