Wednesday, December 19, 2012
stewie is my muse
lexaproooo givin' me life. seems bleak that happy pills are the only thing responsible for my happiness at this point. i am trying and failing at not obsessively worrying about the future because that is the only thing my parents want to talk to me about. i am trying and failing at not watching family guy. stewie (er i guess seth mcfarlane) made a yoke about chris' back-ne spelling out 'citibank' in braille. sry but that is funny to me. stewie is killin it in this episode. i feel like future me will be happy pending the availability of wheach, weed, eggs, boyfriend, attractive male and female friends, hilarious unattractive older older friends (like maybe flat out elderly people), blog with some readership, and oh yeah i better be fucking skinny or i'm pulling the plug.. ;)
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
rap game delayed flight
I am currently at the terminal in Lambert National airport in St. Louis MOOO after inciting a ‘code 3’. A
code 3 is when you are compelled to touch someone’s ankle after they go through
security, so you tell them they are exhibiting suspicious behavior. You tell
them crisply and clearly, ‘left. ankle’. You are thus legally allowed (legally
encouraged) to touch the individual’s left ankle.
The flight attendants are sitting near me in gate E16. One
of them just made a joke about his dick being too big to fit in the flight
attendant seats. The man in front of me is avoiding eye contact with me because
he is ashamed of the way he is eating his burger king burger. I have $0 dollars
on me and $20 on a credit card I cannot access. The flight attendants are
talking about their past relationships. A ~50 blonde woman with a sitcom voice
takes classes in order to meet men. She took a CPR class and dated a fireman’s
assistant. I’m unclear on what exactly a fireman’s assistant does. A ‘gay
voiced’ man with immaculate hair and an aging face is talking about the apparent
success of his relationships. He uses female pronouns when talking about his
relationships; this confuses me. The ‘spinster’ of the bunch (unless this term
is not applied to men, in which case he is more of a serial dater) emphasizes over and over again how he is
‘bad’ at relationships. I want him to elaborate but he does not. I don’t think
I’m at the right gate. I took a Lexapro at the water fountain and wondered how
many people could benefit from an antidepressant prescription but don’t have
the time/money/energy/healthcare to see a psychiatrist. I wish this was a
‘boingo hotspot’. I hope my plane crashes. If so I hope they find this document
saved and show it to the flight attendants (if they live) so I can find out for
sure if te gay flight attendant is straight (if I live). I want to be really high in the dark with a
cherry coke passively watching a vaguely funny comedian on a computer screen
with 2-3 friends. ‘friends’ I have identified my ‘core’ friend group I believe
and am seeing more and more similarities with them. I am becoming more similar
to them as I get happier. They are generally happy people. They are largely
heavily medicated, sans sam, and I think this contributes to their content
dispositions. I agree with their complaints and they re things I have thought
about before. Sometimes I have briefly thought about the things they complain
about and I wonder how much longer they thought about it in order to form a
coherent complaint or observation and share it w me. Dumpy looking people irritate
me more than downright ugly people. I am sympathetic toward very or even
vaguely ugly people because even if there were things they could do to look
less ugly (which there usually are), they have decided not to even bother and
thus have resigned themselves to being objectively ugly. I figure men care less
about reversing or ‘fixing’ ugliness, but both sexes are equally aware of how
they look. I will fall asleep on this plane. When I was ~12 I had very in-depth fantasies about sitting
next to a good looking pale boy on an international flight and ‘hooking up’
with him in the bathroom or under a blanket in the first class cabin. I only wanted to ‘makeout’ with this person
because I could not fathom being ‘fingered’ or ‘gone down on’ at this point. The
concept of ‘making out’ was extremely arousing to me. In this fantasy I would
take only my shorts off (underwear on) because I was and still am insecure
about my arms and stomach. Ambigious good-looking Caucasian would not mind.
Flight attendant #4 (‘male spinster’):
“I typically work around 50 hours a week
I’m at the level where I live kind of frugal”
“I don’t have a lot at my house. I don’t buy stuff I don’t
need. I literally [3x] have six shirts. If I wanna go out with somebody I got
six dates to impress them.” [laughter]
I buy stuff in bulk”
Monday, December 10, 2012
i am the mechanical bull at the duc
im so stressed about finallsss does anyone want to hear about how stressd i am about finals o o o o
does anyone want to make out in the next ~2 hrs. i am in bixby 210(i think?); it's the 2d studio. rebecca is here too and would also participate in a sweet mack sesh. she will also be the mechanical bull at the duc tonight from 8-10 at a dance marathon benefit. have sex w rebecca IT'S FOR THE KIDS!!!111
does anyone want to make out in the next ~2 hrs. i am in bixby 210(i think?); it's the 2d studio. rebecca is here too and would also participate in a sweet mack sesh. she will also be the mechanical bull at the duc tonight from 8-10 at a dance marathon benefit. have sex w rebecca IT'S FOR THE KIDS!!!111
Sunday, December 9, 2012
hey i'm zach i'm from nyc do you want to blow me.
hey man i would love to i'm just following the script i've been assigned
okay word
yeah
okay cool i guess let's 'get this show on the road'
uhhm. yeah haha. good expression. sometimes i want to feel like i'm part of a freak show. so i guess i like 'identify' with that phrase or something
woah. that's like, weird.
like weird enough that you don't rly think i'm a viable mate
what?
nothing. do you like grimes?
yeah! i almost DJed at a venue she almost performed at!!!!
no way!!!!! let's have sex?
okay! just keep in mind that i'll blog about you later!!
NP!!!
hey man i would love to i'm just following the script i've been assigned
okay word
yeah
okay cool i guess let's 'get this show on the road'
uhhm. yeah haha. good expression. sometimes i want to feel like i'm part of a freak show. so i guess i like 'identify' with that phrase or something
woah. that's like, weird.
like weird enough that you don't rly think i'm a viable mate
what?
nothing. do you like grimes?
yeah! i almost DJed at a venue she almost performed at!!!!
no way!!!!! let's have sex?
okay! just keep in mind that i'll blog about you later!!
NP!!!
Friday, December 7, 2012
sorry i missed our last appt
have you experienced a lack of motivation?
have you had any trouble enjoying activities that you previously found enjoyable?
have you had any trouble sleeping?
have you had any trouble getting out of bed?
have you had any suicidal thoughts recently?
have you had any homicidal thoughts recently?
have you had any trouble enjoying activities that you previously found enjoyable?
have you had any trouble sleeping?
have you had any trouble getting out of bed?
have you had any suicidal thoughts recently?
have you had any homicidal thoughts recently?
Monday, December 3, 2012
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