can we start saying s l u t again?

after a ~6 month hiatus, i am pleased to announce that my ego is out of control, and has no intention of slowing down, despite the entire month of july. july, the month of july has unexpectedly betrayed me. it started innocuously enough, with somewhat 'riotous' birthday. 8 of my not-really-that-close friends gorged on overpriced sushi and saw a kinda boring phantagram show. at around 11:30 i was gunning to go home and be horizontal alone. after a DOGBOWL detour, i had four beers and ranted about white devilry and feminism to a smattering of ostensibly simple middle-aged men. thus began my month-long drinking problem, culminating in shitting blood and doing bumps in the bathroom of the villager. the same (mens) bathroom where i fellated (lo_l_) a friend i've known for ten years while peeing. afterwards, i was confronted by the twerpy fuckboy that i am currently obsessed with (oof gonna go ahead and end that sentence w a preposition (cannot be bothered)). after being confronted for being a manipulative cunt, i had a brief emotional breakdown and for the first time realized there exists a power yung gurls have over men of any age that allow them (the gurls) to become monstrous, power-tripping, fellating asssholes.

as idiotic and narcissistic as it sounds, i feel as if im getting a crash course in being a 'pretty girl', something for which i am hilariously unprepared. the duality of this is such that on one hand, any man that gives me attention i will flirt with shamelessly (and sometimes naively), and on the other  hand, i will blackout and ruin a stranger's night/week/month 'because i can'.

after cracking somewhat of a code, i have managed to stay out until at least 3 am about 5 nights a week, and existing unsuccessfully in a month-long hangover.

this begs the question, is july the 'real-world'? a world in which I work 2 jobs a total of 7 days a week, one of which is a restaurant where 45% of the employees are high-functioning alcoholics. a world in which i 'work-hard/ play-hard' while doubling up on anti-depressants and make-up remover.