nursing a gnarly yuppie headache, induced by a lunchtime 'margarona' and tecate. following that adderall i popped just to stay awake after last night's sympathy drinking at tin dog and a brief uneventful night at jackson's that somehow ended at 2:30. i somehow made it to beth's office this morning at 8:15 and articulated my recently anxieties pretty fucking eloquently. i briefly brought up manboy, and was in that moment able to convince myself that i felt very little for him and his personality. unfortunately, convincing myself of that now is a different story entirely, and i've found myself unequivocally 'dick-whipped'.
not sure what my game plan is here, maybe start being addicted to weed so that we have something in common, OR wait to meet a boring vandy guy that has seen the same movies as me. his obsessions with sound and mine with image and video are not really meeting in the middle, and i'm wondering how sustainable this can be even as a friendship. the guys i've been involved with serve as shitty friends but stand-ins for a boyfriend-type that hasn't existed.
i'm obviously gunning for that friendship turned courtship turned failed relationship, but that is seeming less likely, due to my preference for white artist bags of douche.
the latest bag is a 'hard 10' to my 'soft 8'. the intellectual and artistic respect is there, but i'm still navigating the basic compatibility. the type of person that doesn't participate often, but when he does he is fully in charge. seems unsustainable. the age difference (9 years) is substantial, and adds to the dissimilar interests, compounded w his inability to meet halfway on things he is ignorant regarding. PLUS the macro-aggressions that have consistently yet unintentionally reminded me of my 'otherness'. my best bet is to hold out until a real thing happens, but exiting the tinder/okc game has affected both the fish and the sea.
No comments:
Post a Comment